This Mother’s Day, May 9, 2010, is a day of reflection for me. On September 2, 2009 at 3:30am, it was a transforming moment and day for me. I thought I had missed my season and thought that it would never come again. I was confused and messed up. All I could do was cry. While everyone in the house was sleeping, I went to my back window and peered into complete blackness in the sky. Was there a moon? If it was there, I didn’t see it. What a black experience. To survive this moment, I had to see that God was beyond the blackness. I didn’t know why He stayed there. During one of the traumatic times in my childhood, I couldn’t wait until morning because I knew light was coming. I felt safe when there was light. At a young age, I knew light represented hope. I had hope that things would change! God led me to read Hebrews 11:35 and I Kings 17:22 as I thought my dream had died.
I looked up into the darkness and knew something was wrapped in it. For the first time, I saw darkness as gift wrapping paper. Day doesn’t begin with light it begins with darkness. God gift wraps each day for us. As the sun rises, He takes off the wrapping paper while we enjoy the gifts of beauty, glory and the treasures of each day.
On this particular day, September 2nd God unfolded a treasure. He had me to recall the banquet of wine that was held on the second day. The king asked Esther “what is they petition?” For the second time, what is thy petition? He asked her twice. He told her it shall be done, even half of the kingdom. Esther had asked that for favor and life be granted to her.
I went before God with my petition. I asked God for favor and for life to be granted to the families of my church, Shepherd’s Kingdom Ministries International. While Esther was asking for life, she was interceding for those who were threatened with death. This reminded me of Hannah who lived in Ramah which was a place where male children were being killed. Not even this discouraged or watered down Hannah’s dream of giving birth to a son. She continued to pour her soul out to God. Samuel was born and became a great prophet of the nation.
In my transforming moment, I learned to respect and reverence God as the giver of life. Before this, I had done the opposite. I was counting exactly 40 weeks to having new lives in my arms. I left God out it. This experience caused me to rely upon God in a way that I never had to before. I looked at how the woman with the issue of blood went from doctor’s appointments and medical treatments to touching the hem of a “garment?” Truly that was a new thing and certainly out of the box. Jesus’ garment healed her land, healed the landscape of her mind and healed the landscape of her heart.
In pregnancy, I understand that God can move in new ways. He moved the children of Israel from following a cloud to following a box. I’m sure this was a challenge because, for years, they learned certain things about the cloud they followed. They knew rain would come out if but didn’t know what to expect out of the box. We are so accustomed to how pregnancy works that we don’t expect that God would do anything different or new with it.
From the cloud to the ark, Moses had to rely on God in new ways. He had never experienced plagues. There were ten of them. This year 2010, I have and still is confronting my 10 plagues. We must have courage to confront the plagues. It will teach you to rely on God in ways you never had to before. You’ll see into dimensions you normally wouldn’t see into.
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